InFeeling

The Voice Within

I was watching The Voice on Tuesday evening and towards the end of the show, Kelly Clarkson said something that resonated with me. It was right after Sharane Calister sang, Make It Rain.

That’s what makes great artists, having all those hurdles and just seeing what you’re going to do with those cards.” 

That has stuck with me since and yesterday I received a comment in regards to my previous post – Yeah, That Stings – it reinforced Kelly’s message and opened my eyes to something about myself.

Now this is one of the truest blog posts I have ever read. Hang in there and prayers your way. From what I hear, it is very challenging to be an independent author, but I have faith that in time things will improve for you. It may not seem like it now, but don’t give up. I didn’t realize how you felt or other authors feel about promotion of their books. I knew it was important, but didn’t know authors deep thoughts on the subject until now. Many of us think what can we truly contribute to make a real difference in your books success. – Tammy

Sharane Calister was asked to share a bit of her story; she said that she took all the pain she’d experienced and put it into her music. Yesterday, I took my pain and put it into my words. Normally, I shy away from that, but I have found that when I don’t – that when I use the cards life has dealt me – the writing is true and deep and worthy of connecting me to another because it has meaning and they get it. In some manner of speaking, it touched their heartstrings.

When Tammy said, “Now this is one of the truest blog posts I have ever read” – she got it. She understood me, as well as a few other authors/writers. Her response wasn’t, “I’m sorry I don’t comment or like your stuff” and I’m thankful for that because that’s not what I was looking for. I was looking for understanding, not sympathy. At first, I thought I won’t even share this with the Facebook world BECAUSE someone is going to label it as a “Poor Poor Pitiful Me” and that’s not at all what it was. If that requires explanation – then you don’t get it like Tammy did.

What I realized with Tammy’s first sentence, “Now this is one of the truest blog posts I have ever read” is that I keep a lot of it locked up. I try not to let it out. Imagine if you will: a heart filled with pain the blood vessels surrounding it constricting with each infliction placed upon it – locking it all inside, in a neat and tidy package.

Your emotions are hidden. The tears you want to cry are locked up. The anger you want to release is locked up. Your wearing your grin and bear it smile while dreaming of something more or perhaps a shot of patron BUT at least you’ve tucked your crazy in for the night and out of sight. Right?

Nobody wants to see it. Nobody wants to hear it. Yet, our world is filled with psychologist, counselors, people singing from the depths of their pain, movies based on true heartwrenching stories and books upon books written from a person’s brokenness. So excuse me and my french for a moment, but I call BULLSHIT!

If nobody wants to see it or hear it then why are we paying a small fortune to unload it, why are there songs, movies, and books about it? Because growth and rebirth rise from the ashes of brokenness, emptiness, and sadness. The most powerful and profound things you will ever hear, watch or read must stand upon the foundation of truth. Without that, ya got nothing.

I want depth. I want meaning. I want to move forward freely and not be held back by this self-imposed prison where everything I feel is locked up in a neat and tidy package because nobody wants to see it or hear it. I’m tired of not writing something because of a label it may become saddled with. I’m tired of not writing something because the person who inspired it may not wish it to be out there for the world to see. I’m tired of being scared of what others think.

I want to write from my heart, from every inch of it – not just the “acceptable” pieces. I’m sick of holding back and leaving my work lacking in the depth and the value I wish it to have. I write because I have stories to share. I write because I love it. I write because it is my escape. I don’t write for your sympathy or to make you feel guilty – if anything I write to make you laugh and cry and leave you with the peaceful easy feeling that you’re not alone out there.

I’m done courting insanity. I’m sharing my soul from here on out because I’m tired of being unheard. I’m tired of locking my thoughts and feelings up and maybe that’s something that comes with age or either I’ve just gotten so tired of it that I don’t care anymore. I’m going to write freely because writing within these walls is empty and lacks fulfillment.

Sincerely,

Renea

“To write means more than putting pretty words on a page; the act of writing is to share a part of your soul with the world.”

“A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” – Franz Kafka

“What doesn’t kill us gives us something new to write about.” – Julie Wright

 

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